When we ruminate too intently on the pains our future might hold, we experience a portion of that pain in advance.
People with empathy internalise the pain of others when they witness suffering. It helps us to connect, to understand one another, and to care for eachother.
When making a decision, we usually consider the effect it might have on others. In doing so, we are essentially imagining future versions of the people our decisions may effect, allowing us to empathetically consider the potential outcomes of our actions.
We are so good at this that we usually do it intuitively.
I don’t take an online yodeling class at 1:30am because I can imagine that my neighbours (and their baby) might find it difficult to sleep in the presence of such glorious sound.
Unfortunately, there is a little glitch in this otherwise wonderfully human system; we can’t help but also imagine ourselves as a future person. We possess an inescapable and often rather concerning future self.
Anxiety is the pain we absorb while empathising with our future selves.
Harbouring a bit of this pain is sensible, but too much acts like poison.
We consider people ‘anxious’ when the pain they are experiencing in advance is disproportionate to the actual risks their furute presents.
“There are more things … likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”Seneca
Your anxiety is as useful as it is actionable.
If you can’t do anything to address a concern, there is zero gain in accepting preliminary pain on your future self’s behalf.
You’ll have to deal with it when your future self arrives at the worrying destination, so what sense is there in experiencing the pain twice?
Getting stuck empathising with future you is dangerous because this process feeds upons itself.
Once painful worrying becomes a habit, you might find yourself worrying about the worrying.
All of a sudden, your introspective empathy has turned toxic, and you’re so caught up inside yourself that you can barely muster the energy to look out.
There is no simple fix to this cycle.
It’s a grueling, often shameful, thing to break.
But it can be done.
I suggest starting with one of these:
- The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety by Alan W Watts
- Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
- The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumphs by Ryan Holiday